As I’m sure many of you know, last week was Mental Health Awareness week. Seeing so many of you getting involved inspired me to get my own butt in gear. I sat there and thought to myself “what can I do to help?”. After struggling with my own mental health for so long I wanted to play my part and that’s exactly what I did.
I decided to get involved and do one thing each day that I normally wouldn’t have the courage to do. So many of you followed my story over on Twitter and supported me each and every day. That was amazing to see because I did not expect it. Getting so much support just goes to show how kind-hearted my followers truly are. So firstly, I’d like to start with a huge thank you to each and every one of you for what you did for me this week.
I wanted to share my experience in hope that I can help inspire people to do the same. I won’t lie to you, it was a really tough experience but I’ve never felt as good since. Even if you decided to take it one day at a time, it’s all about those baby steps. Here is my journey;
I’m not sure why but for as long as I can remember I’ve been very nervous about going out alone. Because of this I decided to push myself and go for a bike ride. I absolutely love riding my bike and being active and to be honest I had a great time. As I live in such a beautiful countryside I thought I should make the most of it. At first, I was so conscious and felt that everyone was looking at me but then after about 20 minutes, I was in my own little bubble. I had the tunes blaring through my earphones and thoroughly enjoying the view around me. What a great day.
I would have to say that Day 2 was my most intense day out of the WHOLE week. For any girl, whatever your size, I’m sure you can relate to this in some way. There is nothing worse than when the weather gets hotter and you have to try and hide your insecurities from the world. For me, I absolutely despise my chunky legs. I’m sure many of you would say ‘there’s nothing wrong with your legs’ and to be honest there probably isn’t. However, as many of you suffer from some sort of mental health issue, you will understand it’s hard to change that mindset once you feel a certain way.
Day 3 was very simple yet something I found very hard and was extremely proud of achieving. I am honestly the worse for making plans and canceling them last minute. I get really excited to see my friends and then for some silly reason I panic get scared. This stupidity has ruined my life for as long as I can remember and I wish I didn’t have this anxiety. Therefore, I am super proud of myself because day 3 is when I changed that mindset.
Day 4 was a very touchy subject for me. For a long time, I have suffered from my mental health and I was never sure what was really going on inside of me. Recently, I came across the title ‘Borderline personality disorder’ a disorder I am 99% sure I have. One part of me feels relieved that I have managed to find out what’s wrong with me but the other half of me is still petrified. I have been putting off going to the doctors for so long as I’m so scared they won’t listen. Day 4 I told myself ‘how will I ever get better if I don’t try?’. Guess who has a doctors appointment booked for next week? I do.
Last but not least we have Day 5. Recently I’ve noticed that I depend on alcohol a little bit too much and it’s becoming a bit of an unhealthy obsession. It’s absolutely fine to have one or two drinks but I find myself having a bottle of wine a day. It’s as if once I get that ‘numb’ feeling of being drunk, my problems fade away. This is not great and I am not proud, therefore, that weekend I did not have a single drop of alcohol.
I’m not going to deny the fact that I am so god damn proud of myself. Any praise is good praise, especially when that is self-praise. Each and every one of us needs to learn to love and appreciate ourselves before others can love us. This week I learned to do just that and I finished the week with the biggest smile on my face. I want to end today’s post having inspired people to face their fears and do the same. Just remember each step you take is one step closer to happiness. Without taking risks, you’ll never get anywhere. You might fail but darling, you might succeed. It’s never going to be an easy ride but I’ll be here to ride that bumpy road with you.