How To Overcome Insecurities In A Relationship

self confidence

A good relationship doesn’t just happen, it takes time, patience and two people who will never give up on one another. These are the types of relationships that are good for you and if you’re lucky enough to find this, don’t ever let it go.

I wouldn’t say I was a serial dater or even, in fact, had a great deal to do with the opposite sex. But, I will say I have experienced different types of partners and I know what relationships are worth fighting for

Insecurities in a relationship are often experienced by individuals who don’t value themselves as a person. Like myself, you may have the most perfect other half but even still sometimes let insecurities get the better of you.

Learning To Trust

Trust can take a very long time to build up and only seconds to break down. I’ve decided to put this one first because I think it’s one of the most important parts of any relationship. What’s a relationship without trust? absolutely nothing but constant overthinking and unhappiness. In order to have an happy and healthy relationship you need trust.

No matter who you are or what kind of life you’ve lived prior, we all have a past. Whether you’ve had your own trust broken in a past relationship or you’re currently working through childhood traumas. The reality is no body is perfect and we’ve all had our trust tested at some point.

The way I see it is if someone hasn’t given you a reason not to trust them, don’t assume. There is no point wasting hours a day playing scenarios over and over again in your head. More than likely you know deep down they aren’t true (unless of course, you have reason to believe otherwise)

Build Up Your Self Confidence

Most insecurities come from the individual not seeing their own value. You are beyond amazing in your own way and there’s no one quite like you. Although there may be many people with similar attributes and personality traits in this world you have to remember, you are you. You are unique and this is something you should be really proud of.

I think as humans we forget that nobody is forcing our other halves to be with us. You’ve already done the hard part by winning them over so why worry now. They clearly like you and have chosen to be with you for a reason so believe in yourself. You are more than good enough for your partner and if they tell you otherwise it’s them who needs to go.

Stop Comparing To Everyone Else Around You

This is potentially the most harmful thing you could ever do to yourself. No matter if it’s in a relationship or life in general. Is being like everyone else really going to make your life better and happier? the answer is no.

Social media is fantastic for many reasons but with apps like Instagram & Pinterest, they come with their downsides. We are forever surrounded online by other couples who seem to portray the most “perfect” relationship. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you but that doesn’t exist. People may post photos of their amazing lifestyles but remember, they only show you what they want you to see. They aren’t going to be posting pictures of their partners dirty pants on the bathroom floor now are they?

And they are definitely not going to be recording and sharing their arguments!

Leave The Past In The Past

I do like to believe this is something that comes with maturity but let’s be honest, we’re all guilty of bringing up the past at some point or another.

We are all human beings, we all experience feelings and we will all feel emotions. I think it’s extremely important to accept the fact that your partner may have loved someone else before you. This does not make them a bad person and does not mean they don’t love you as much or even more.

It’s also worth noting that people can change so try and not judge your partner on what they were like in past relationships. 16 year old you would have thought and acted completely different to 26 year old you. This is very similar to how relationships work and it’s important to remember you live and you learn.

Don’t Forget To Love Yourself

Understandably being loved is a fantastic feeling but having a girlfriend/boyfriend isn’t everything. It is so important to focus on your own happiness before even considering bringing someone else into your life. Ever heard of the saying “No one will ever love you unless you learn to love yourself first” I can’t stress how true this is.

Spend some time discovering who you truly are, find out your talents, hobbies, and passions. Once you know exactly who you are you can get ready to share this with someone else.

self esteem
confidence

Enjoyed reading? Check out my other posts relating to insecurities and realising your self-worth:

Do One Thing Each Day That Scares You – Mental Health Awareness Week

I am NOT and NEVER will be an Instagram model and that’s ok

38 Comments

  1. January 26, 2019 / 8:49 pm

    This is a great post can’t wait to read more of your posts.

    Cheryl

    • January 27, 2019 / 12:56 pm

      Thank you Cheryl, I appreciate you taking the time to read 😊

  2. Emma
    January 27, 2019 / 10:26 am

    Ashleigh! I am sure your post will help many people who are insecure about their relationships. The points you mentioned, have come
    Into my head throughout the beginning of my relationship.

    Emma | http://www.lifeofemmax.co.uk

    • January 27, 2019 / 12:53 pm

      Thank you Emma! I sure hope I can help someone because we all have suffered with this at some point 😊 thanks for reading! X

  3. January 27, 2019 / 12:35 pm

    I haven’t dated since school but definitely needed it back then. Not having any self-confidence definitely effected my relationships and I was always insecure when a boyfriend talked to another girl (granted one did dump me for my best friend so that had something to do with it.) But all of these are great! Great post x

    • January 27, 2019 / 12:51 pm

      Can relate so much lovely! I think it’s especially hard when we are younger! And of course, like I said sometimes our trust is affected due to what’s happened to us in the past! Sorry that happened to you girly!! But Thank you for taking the time to read my post 😊x

  4. January 27, 2019 / 3:30 pm

    Great post, and it’s so true and relevant. Two of the biggest growing opportunities or things I am working on is first self-love; it’s an ongoing journey for me, but as you pointed out incredibly important. The other one is self-confidence, and really believing it. It’s also a tricky one, in that sometimes I act more confident then I appear but by slowly letting down those walls and allowing my inner confidence to grow has helped build that upper confidence.

    Thank-you for sharing such valuable insights. 🙂

    • January 27, 2019 / 3:31 pm

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      • January 27, 2019 / 4:13 pm

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        • January 27, 2019 / 4:14 pm

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    • January 27, 2019 / 4:14 pm

      Oh of course, gaining self confidence and learning to self love is something that will come with time and patience! The fact you are working on these is an amazing start in itself. I wish you a successful journey as you do deserve to feel both of these things! Once again, thank you for reading x

      • January 27, 2019 / 4:15 pm

        You’re welcome, and thank-you for the encouragement- it helps make the journey easier.

  5. January 27, 2019 / 5:21 pm

    I loved reading this! You’re right, we have to stop making comparisons and also learning to love yourself and self confidence is so important! xx

    Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk

    • January 27, 2019 / 7:15 pm

      Oh thank you Lucy! So glad you enjoyed 😊 definitely do need to stop those kind of things! It can be hard but it’s possible 🥰x

  6. January 28, 2019 / 6:07 pm

    This is a great post! I struggle a lot with leaving the past in the past, for sure. It also took me a long time to truly love myself but honestly since I love myself more, my relationships have improved! And not just romantic partnerships… all relationships! Thanks for sharing!

    • January 28, 2019 / 8:53 pm

      That’s amazing to hear! Thank you so much for reading x

  7. January 28, 2019 / 6:20 pm

    This is such a great post! I have been struggling with insecurities in my relationship, and its caused some problems. I’m so glad I came across this post!

    • January 28, 2019 / 8:56 pm

      I think that’s amazing you can admit this, I too have been in this situation and it can be super hard. I wish you all the best however, so thank you for reading! Xxx

  8. Chloe Daniels | Clo Bare
    January 28, 2019 / 7:06 pm

    YES YES YES YES to THIS “Most insecurities come from the individual not seeing their own value”. I think we often like to push the blame on others when really our own insecurities come from within. Once we have a ironclad security of our own worth, it’s actually really hard for others to bring us down. Love this <3

    • January 28, 2019 / 8:57 pm

      So very true my love. I’ve spent years blaming others when really I should have been focusing on my own happiness. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I really appreciate this x

  9. courtneyeb87
    January 28, 2019 / 7:39 pm

    I love your reminders Ashleigh, you are so right! I have had some difficult past relationships but now I have taken a few years to myself, to really learn about and love myself, before I jump back into a relationship again. You are really spot on, thanks for the tips!
    Courtney

    • January 28, 2019 / 8:59 pm

      No worries at all! I’m glad you agree and enjoyed reading this post. I also just want to say I think that’s amazing that you’ve taken some time to focus on yourself 💖

  10. January 28, 2019 / 8:02 pm

    So so relatable! Fab post x

  11. January 29, 2019 / 9:03 pm

    I love this post. I felt insecure in a lot of my past relationships but I’m trying to overcome it now. I don’t want to let my insecurities ruin what I have with my current boyfriend..

    • February 5, 2019 / 4:10 pm

      Oh 100%! that’s exactly how I felt. In previous relationships, I guess I just didn’t care as much but when you have something good, you don’t want to ruin it. I honestly wish you the best of luck though! Thank you for reading my post lovely x

  12. January 29, 2019 / 10:24 pm

    I agree with this so much! Especially about gaining confidence, I always find insecurities in yourself project so hard onto relationships if you don’t deal with them x

    Sophie
    http://www.glowsteady.co.uk

    • February 5, 2019 / 4:14 pm

      oh definitely! it’s very hard but once you reach that stage you’ll soon notice that things get easier when dealt with 🙂

      Thanks for reading lovely! x

  13. January 29, 2019 / 11:39 pm

    This is a great post and very on time for me, to be honest. I just started new relationships and I have to stop myself from overthinking quite a lot.
    The point of loving yourself first is very important in my opinion.

    • January 30, 2019 / 12:40 pm

      Oh I’m so glad this has helped you lovely! I wish you the best of luck with your new relationship! I’m sure you’re doing fab and I’m sure you’ll have many happy years together! Just remember, like I say.. love yourself ❤️❤️❤️

  14. January 30, 2019 / 12:07 am

    Love this kind of post. This happens in every relationship. Thanks for sharing ♥️ ♥️ By any chance you are interested on doing collaborations, you can check out the collaborations portal of Phlanx.com and connect with amazing brands!

    Xoxo,
    Tiffany

    • January 30, 2019 / 12:39 pm

      Hi Tiffany! Thank you so much for taking the time to read 😊 I would love to collab so I will definitely check out those posts!

    • January 30, 2019 / 12:36 pm

      Thank you for taking the time to read this lovely! Really appreciate! I hope you’re right, I hope to help people out for sure 😊❤️

  15. January 30, 2019 / 9:30 pm

    This is honestly such a beautiful post! I really love all the advice you gave, and absolutely agree that you have to learn to love yourself! Self confidence is something I’ve struggled with time and time again, but I believe it’s incredibly important for your own well being, as well as for maintaining healthy relationships. ❤️

    • January 31, 2019 / 8:53 am

      Oh thank you so much Kelly! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post. I think it’s super important to speak to openly about these things as we all do struggle from time to time ❤️

  16. January 31, 2019 / 1:01 pm

    I really enjoyed this post. I have some insecurities in my relationship due to my anxiety but these tips are really helpful and I hope to implement them to help me get over them. Thank you. Looking forward to your future posts, so relatable x

    • February 5, 2019 / 3:30 pm

      Thank you for reading Charlotte! I think it’s so important to understand that you aren’t the only one.. we all either do or have felt these things! So I really do hope it helps 🥰❤️

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