An open letter to my boyfriend who sadly passed away

Dear Luke,

My darling Luke, I can’t believe it’s November already. 1 year ago, everything was fantastic in both of our lives. You had just started your dream course studying graphic design at University and I had just come back home from travelling. We had been fortunate enough to have been introduced to one another and we were just beginning our life together as one. It was very early days for us both when it happened but I liked to believe what we had was good and was definitely heading in the right direction. We had both recently just come out of relationships and didn’t realise that there was better out there until we met each other. I remember the first time you came and spoke to me at work. You shook my hand and introduced yourself, “Hi, I’m Luke and I’m your team leader, it’s lovely to meet you Ashleigh” Hahaha, this still makes me laugh to this day. You took your job so seriously and not going to lie, you were the most irritating guy to work with ever. Our very first shift together even got people talking, I remember everyone being like “oh look at Ashleigh and Luke” “There will be a new Sainsburys couple soon, just you wait and see” I absolutely loved the attention especially when you didn’t deny any of it. I knew from the start that there was something special about you.

After a few weeks of talking and flirting at work. The weekend came and everyone from work was heading out in the town, unfortunately you and I were stuck doing the late shift. I was working till 8pm and you were there till 10:30pm, I kept pestering you all evening saying, “please come out” “It would be so good if you did” I didn’t want to come across as needy but at the same time I wanted you there more than anything. You replied, “I can’t, I’m working till 10:30pm and I haven’t got any money at all”. Which surprised me more than ever when someone came and put there freezing cold hands on my back in the bar. Turned around and who winks at me? Mr Luke Mumford, the boy who was working late and had no money at all. I later found out from your best friend that you begged her to lend you the money because you wanted to come out and see me which absolutely melts my heart.

From this point, we hit it off. We spent so much time together, here, there and everywhere. We met each other’s families and friends and everything was going great. My mum absolutely idolised you and even told me herself that you were a keeper and she was not far from wrong. I loved spending time with your mum and getting to know your brother as well. I knew you were both extremely close, so what made you happy, made me happy to. As much as I felt sorry for you mum, it was always so entertaining when you and Adam used to gang up on her at the dinner table. Although she definitely got her revenge when she pulled out the photo album and you practically run away crying haha! what a cute little baby you were. I have so many great memories with you Luke, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. You were always a true gentleman and I can’t say any guy has come close to the dates you took me on. There were no typical nando’s dates with you my dear. I remember when you took me to that old thatched roof restaurant in the countryside that had candle light tables, I almost died. You were so thoughtful and so romantic, always trying to please everyone around you.

You were the naughtiest, cheekiest boy I know. My last memory of you before you left my house that night was when I walked you to the door to say goodbye. You slapped my bum and ran down my drive way shouting “either come catch me now or you’ll have to tell me off later” That was the last time I saw you. Having that memory as our last memory just goes to show how much of a happy and funny guy you were, never ever failed to make me laugh. Another great example of your cheekiness is when you somehow got me to sign myself up for a 9-hour shift on a Saturday, just so you could see me. I hated work but I literally came in just for you.


How on earth did you do it? 🙈😂

I just genuinely can’t believe it’s been a whole year now since we lost you. I can’t say its been easiest ride but I like to think i’ve done really well since and I hope you are proud of me, In fact I know you are proud of me. I have never really experienced losing someone so close before you and it’s such a strange feeling. Although you are gone, I have many days were I feel you are still here and I like to believe you do look down on us all. It’s ridiculous but I find myself talking to you all the time like a weirdo. Not a single day goes by where I don’t miss you or even think about you. You were the most fantastic guy I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I just want you to know I did absolutely adore you. We didn’t exactly get to share the longest amount of time together but I will treasure the time I was fortunate enough to have.

Thank you for being apart of my life and showing me what true happiness felt like.

Yours sincerely,

Ashleigh

 

Luke was not only my boyfriend but an amazing friend, brother, son and person in general. He was actually voted Lad of the week by the Ladbible which then lead to him being voted Lad of the year 2017 for all the amazing things he had done. If you would like to read his story I will share the link with you below. He was a great guy and I know he would absolutely love people to hear about the good things he did in his short life.

Luke Jay Mumford, Lad of the Year LADBIBLE

Suffering from Anxiety. You are not alone

This morning I got up nice and early and headed into University for a very well organised and productive day. As I got all my work done and out the way I decided to spare some time and relax at home. When I got home I popped my feet up with a nice hot cup of tea and had a break before starting my day. I am not one to watch day time TV usually but today I was flicking through the TV channels and I came across Philip & Holly on This morning’s ITV. The thing that caught my eye was the fact they were discussing a topic very close to my heart. They had a trained psychologist live on TV with an open helpline for people to call up and discuss what anxiety issues either themselves, family or friends were suffering with. This extremely opened up my eye to the realisation that I am not alone. Since watching this I have felt so inspired to write about my experiences and see if I can help anyone out there feeling the same way I do.

What does it mean to be Anxious? The dictionary states ‘feeling or showing worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome’ but in my eyes it is so much more. Imagine feeling like this all the time in everything that you do in your daily life? After a while its not fun and it does nothing but mentally and physically drain you. I know this because I have been there and am still there struggling from day to day. Anxiety often links in with depression however this is not always the case for everyone, you can be the happiest person in the world but have anxiety over the most simplest of things. Whether thats something as simple as eating your lunch in a room full of people or something more in depth such as never wanting to leave your home and haven’t left your house in years. There are so many different reasons as to why anxiety and depression can occur but today I would only like to mention a few that are close to home.

Some of you, whom have previously read my mental health related posts will know but for the people who are new here welcome to my story. I would like to take five minutes of your time to share my experiences in the mental health sector with you as I think it’s extremely important to open up and share. Since the age of 13/14 when I reached puberty, I suffered drastically with my hormones causing me to become very anxious and suffer with major depression. Back then at the age of 14 I had no idea what I was feeling and what was happening to my body. Only now at the age of 21 do I fully understand my issues and even still on a daily basis I struggle. For me the whole reason behind my Anxiety comes from the pressure of needing to be perfect. But the truth is, “perfect” doesn’t exist, and although we’ve been taught “nobody’s perfect”, we still tend to obsess over this powerful word and find ourselves striving for that unreachable goal. Who get’s to decide what perfect is? No one has the power to do so and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Not only now at the age of 21 am I starting to understand this and this is why I am feeling happier within myself.

Over the past 7 years my anxiety has had its ups and downs however I have worked so hard to keep them as high up as I can. I am very proud of how far i’ve come and this is why i’m sharing my experiences with you today. I would be lying if I told you it was an easy journey because it wasn’t. As well as this you can see it’s not an easy process and it definitely did not happen over night. The hardest part for me is the lack of confidence that I have and I feel like this a big problem for a lot of people. I extremely struggle with my confidence which causes me to miss out on opportunities I know deep down I would love to be involved in, unfortunately due to my anxiety and depression I have missed out on far to much for me to even recall. Not only has this affected my social life but has played a huge part in my past relationship as well. There would be times me and my ex partner would get invited to parties and social events in which I would be absolutely buzzing with excitement for until the time came for the event to take place. I would get so nervous and scared at the fact I had to socialise with people I would have panic attacks and spend all evening crying in my bed, this took a huge toll on my relationship because in his eyes he didn’t understand and it held him back from the party lifestyle he craved. There is nothing worse than feeling so low and vulnerable like this especially when you know deep down you don’t want to be this way.

For me my anxiety issues and depression have always stemmed from the way I look. I have never been happy with myself and have always wanted to be everyone else other than me. There would be nights I would cry myself to sleep hoping and praying I wouldn’t wake up in the morning and I think that’s an extremely heartbreaking way to be. Not only now do I know life doesn’t have to be this way but I have also learnt it won’t change unless you work at it. It’s a long journey and a huge process that only you can take yourself on. Every single day off my life I am faced with scenarios that trigger my anxiety but with the coping mechanism i’ve learnt over the years, I help myself get through them.

Everyone has or will struggle with anxiety at some point in their life, and everyone has their own coping mechanisms. You’re not alone even if you feel like you are. Just know that in many places around the world there is someone feeling just like you. Whether you are that 13 year old girl or boy or you are a fully grown adult, you are important and you shouldn’t have to feel the way you do. If I could leave you with one piece of advice today, It would be to try and not assume the worst of every situation, remember your personal needs, and find tricks that can help you in the moment. It will be a long process but if you want something bad enough you can reach that goal. Hopefully with my help today you can reduce your anxiety and maybe even get rid of it. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about the way you feel you can’t help what goes on in your mind, our brains are very intelligent muscles we just have to try and fight against our thoughts and put it back on the right path, the path for happiness.

My First Medium Psychic Reading Experience

My First Psychic Reading Experience


The other day I booked an appointment to go and visit a Psychic and have a reading taken place. I have always wanted to do this and when my best friends told me their manager was a Psychic I decided to book a session with her. I can safely say it was one of the best decisions of my life, so today I thought it would be a great idea to sit down and give you guys a little run through with what happened during the session, that way you can see what sort of things they talk about and what to expect during a reading. As many of you may already know I am very much into my mind, body and spirit and have been for a very long time now. I love anything that’s to do with cleansing your soul, determining your future and even communicating with the deceased, so when I found out about having a reading I was beyond excited. When I first arrived I was so anxious, not because I was scared of what was going to happen but just because I didnt know what to expect and as I had never met the lady before I was very nervous how I should act around her. When I first arrived she took me into a small room with two comfy chairs and a little table in the middle, we sat down and had a little chat before we began which I thought was lovely because she could tell I was nervous. She then explained the process to me and also stated she was nervous as well because shed never shown anyone her powers beforehand besides friends and family.

She started with closing her eyes whilst taking some deep breathes which we did together for a few minutes. The best thing about Sam was that she explained what she was doing as she went through the process and at this point she explained what was happening. She told me she was connecting herself with my thoughts and feelings so she could feel how I felt and to be honest this really scared me. The first thing she said to me was that she was so upset with how you feel about myself, she went on to tell me that the first thing she gets from me was a lot of negative feelings towards myself and life. She also looked me in the eyes and told me she could tell I have felt this way for a long time now possibly since being a little girl which was very much true. I like to think I am a very bubbly and confident person in public but that is just to cover how I really feel, my whole life is a fake act of happiness. She then carried on to tell me that its as if she could picture me looking into a mirror and wanting to smash the glass because I hate what I see. At this point I was so emotional and began to cry, I wasnt crying because I upset I was crying because I was in shock that someone could genuinely know how I feel about myself to the extent that I do. I hide the way I feel from everyone so the fact that she knew it scared me because I could no longer lie. After this she said to me, you have come here today to find a reason for happiness havent you? And you want me to tell you all the happy things that are going to happen in your life dont you?. I sat there in silence for a few minutes thinking to myself about the fact she was completely right, all I was looking for was an answer for me to be happy.

As the session carried on she explained to me that there had been events in my past that had taken place but never worked out for me and the reason for this was because they werent the right pathways for me to take at that time, However in the next couple of months I will be on the right pathway for me. She asked me if this made sense and I explained that it definitely did, I previously applied for university 3 years ago because I was unhappy with my life but ended up going traveling instead which also didnt work out for me because I went through an awful break up during that time. Now I have reapplied for uni and will be starting a primary education course in September. She told me that everything is going to work out fine and I need to stop worrying because I underestimate myself way to much. Right after she said this to me she explained that there was a presence in the room who wanted to make contact with me. At this point I immediately thought about Luke, I was kind of scared but at the same time I wanted it to be him more than anything and I was correct, I believe it was him. She explained that the person trying to get through was a male however she normally gets the vibes of a parent or grandparent but this person wasnt blood related to me. The man trying to contact was apparently screaming at me, desperately trying to get his message across and she said the message was to tell me how proud he is of how far I’ve come and that I need to pursue my dream and give it a 100% because he didnt get chance to achieve what he wanted. She also explained that she knew this person had helped me a lot in the past, had a huge impact on my life and had helped me get to where I am today. This could not have been anyone other than Luke and to be able to receive that message was a huge blessing in itself, just for the fact Luke didnt know I applied for university and for him to say he was proud of me was a lovely feeling. For anybody who is new to my blog or doesnt know me very well, Luke was my ex boyfriend who I had been dating for 2 months before he sadly passed away in a car accident in November 2016.

To finish off the session she said something to me that surprised me more than ever. She looked me deep in the eyes, held my hands and asked me if I knew I was psychic myself and asked if I knew I had the gift in my family. My mum has always been strange and always been able to know what I am thinking and feeling so when she said this to me I explained that to her. We always thought that in my family we were just so close we could tell what each other felt but my mum has always said she knew she was different but never wanted to pursue on her talent. My great great nan was also a white witch back in the day so I do like to believe that there is something in my family line regarding spiritual beliefs and psychic talents. At this point I was in shock and asked her how she knew this and she explained that she could feel the power radiating from me and it was very strong. She then carried on to explain she wanted to prove this to me and show me the power I have so we done an exercise where I got to read her cards and I got them spot on which was a very strange and weird feeling.

This is where the session ended after around 30-40 minutes. My first experience was a mixture of every emotion possible, I felt amazed, upset, scared and surprised all at once. I definitely do not regret going along for this experience and I would 100% book another session as I really felt that I benefitted from this. I completely understand that not everyone reading this will agree with Psychic readings, I also understand that this sort of experience is not for everyone and not everyone will believe in what happened. I also want to state that I do not claim to know everything there is regarding readings, I just wanted to share my own personal expeierence and hopefully my experience will persuade some of you guys to give it ago yourself as I had great fun.

What Is It Like Being A Highly Emotional Person

What does it mean to be a highly emotional person? Most people will automatically associate the words highly emotional with sadness and despair but in my eyes that’s far from the truth, You can experience high emotions for the most fantastic reasons. This doesn’t necessarily mean crying at everything. When you’re happy, you’re ecstatic! When you’re mad, you’re fuming. When you’re stressed, you’re freaking out! You feel like your emotions are so much stronger, compared to everyone else and that is what makes you a highly emotional person. Today I have been having the strangest emotional rollercoaster ride of a day so I thought it would be a great idea to share my thoughts on this topic especially. I think it’s important to discuss the different levels of emotions and how each person is affected in completely different ways, wether those emotions are for good or bad reasons, you are normal and they are normal feelings to have.

I, myself am a very highly emotional person that has experienced a fair bit of emotional pain in my life but I believe you have to accept the bad to appreciate the good in this world. How are you going to know when something is so great if you have never experienced the bad side of things. Life isn’t meant to be an easy ride and you are always going to have hard times, no matter how perfect your life may seem. Being highly emotional does make this hard sometimes and I think this is where my anxiety and depression comes into things. When my life decides to throw something a little negative my way I never know how to deal with it, I get stressed very easily and It does not take long for the water works to make an appearance. I am most definitely not promoting this as a good way to be because it is not good for your emotional or mental health and I hate being this way. Sometimes I really wish I didn’t feel those feelings in so much dept because when it’s bad, it’s real bad and I often get myself in quite a bad state.

This picture above was literally me crying the other day for absolutely no reason, us woman can and will always be emotional wrecks especially at the certain time of the month.. embrace it and laugh it off!

Being highly emotional isn’t always bad though, Like I mentioned previously when you’re happy, you’re ecstatic! On the same level as overpowering emotions, you may find yourself crying more than most. Not in a bad way but it could be as simple as having a conversation, but the tears seem to well up in your eyes or listening to your new favourite song just due to your strong feelings and emotions. It’s as if sometimes your emotions don’t understand and you could cry from the happiness of the situation. You just respond differently to everyone else and by having tears, that’s how you express yourself. When it comes to falling in love or liking someone new, being highly emotional plays a huge part in both the bad and the good. I tend fall for people very quickly and sometimes this unfortunately doesn’t work out, leaving me a bit of an emotional wreck. Having learnt I’m like this, I try not to put all my eggs in one basket but sometimes it’s hard when you have such strong emotions and feelings towards this world and the people in it. In the past I have been hurt in love but at the same time I’ve experienced such strong feelings of love and happiness due to this so you just have to accept it and be grateful for what you have, there is good and bad in every situation.

I once read an amazing post on The Huffington Post called 16 Habits Of Highly Sensitive People and it really made me think about the way I feel and inspired me to write this post regarding my own feelings. I could relate to this post on so many different levels being a sensitive, highly emotional person myself. If you are similar to me and you feel the same way I do, it’s definitely worth a quick read, I will link it below for you all to check out.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/26/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794.html

Don’t ever hide your feelings away, you are human and this is what we do, It is normal to cry and it is normal to be happy, Do not ever feel guilty for showing either of these emotions. You are perfect just the way you are and everyone has to learn to accept we all have up days and we have down.

An open letter to my younger sibling

Dear little brother,

The first 9 years of my life you were not here and from the first moment I met you I do not know how I survived them years alone. Being 9 years apart a lot of people would not think we were very close but in my eyes we could not be any closer. Now you are 11 years old you are no longer my little baby brother but that doesn’t mean I’ve lost you altogether it just means I get to take a step back for a little while and watch you grow into the great man you are going to be. I am so proud of the person you are growing up to become, I’ve never met a more charming, caring and thoughtful person than you and for that you should be proud of yourself.

I don’t know whether you are mature for your age or the fact I’m just very immature but we truly are the best of friends and I genuinely surprise myself with how well we get on. A day spent with you is never boring no matter what we do. All the memories and private jokes that we share I will never forget them, not a single one. Although we have had some great times it hasn’t all been great. I’ve lost count of how many fights we have had in the past especially when wrestling each other for the front seat of the car. One of my all time favourites has got to be you always telling my personal secrets/stories when I bring boyfriends round for dinner for the first time. Then again I guess embarrassing me comes as one of the main job roles of being my brother and I can’t complain too much as I’m sure I’ll get you back one day.

I’m far from the most experienced person when it comes to life but today I want to try to give you the best advice I can give to you. You are coming to that age where you are going to start experiencing everything for the first time and I just want you to know I will always be here to help steer you in the right direction. Whether it’s your first time falling in love, falling out with friends or even as simple as choosing your subject choices at school. I will be here to help you through it all that’s just my role as your sister. I will never judge you no matter how silly you might think something is and you can always trust and confine in me.

Please never forget how much I adore you. I honestly could not ask for a better brother than yourself. I can’t wait to grow older along side you and see what this world has in store for our family. As well as being the best bother I also know you will be the best uncle and I’m grateful that my children will one day have a role model like you in their life. I know you didn’t have much of a choice and I’m sorry you got stuck with me but thank you for being my brother.

Love from Ashleigh

(Your big sister)